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#132

The twins turn 6 tomorrow!!!!  WHAAAAAATTT!!!!???  How did this happen?  So sad so happy so in shock.  So I’m sitting here on the eve of their big day in the front lounge as the bus rolls down the dark road to their birthday location!!!  I know they’ve changed me as a person.  I’m contemplating all the ways and decided to share…

Things that I have learned in the last 6 years:

(If you don’t have kids take notes….this is the stuff you have to look forward to…)

As a mom…:

1.  In the middle of the night while changing your baby’s diaper in bed, your baby will always pee when you take away the dirty diaper and before you put on the clean one, all over your sheets.  You’ll be so tired that you will sleep in it…

2.  Even if you were scared of spiders before kids to the point of screaming profanities and gagging, you will somehow inherit the superhuman ability to, with your own hand mind you, brush one off your child like it’s a piece of dust.

3.  The amount of volume your brain can take in yet still have a legitimate thought is astounding.

4.  Your child will only turn into a psycho beast while in a crowded place where everyone stops and looks at you.  You WILL have moments of being “That Mom” that you you looked down on before having kids.  But at that moment you will have a full circle realization and kinda laugh a little while looking to the sky.  “Good one God, you got me”.  Only to make the stares become even more disgusted.  “SCREW YOU!!!” you’ll scream…no you won’t…but you’ll want to.

5.  If you have over 3 children at least 2 strangers a day will stop your husband and say “You know how that happen’s right?!” while cracking themselves up and you will fake laugh for them every time like you’ve never heard it.  But the responses that you wish you could say help the laugh sound a little more real…

6.  If you have boy/girl twins everyone you pass will ask if they are identical.  “Yeah, uh, except for this one has a penis” is always a great way to keep moving through the mall at a normal speed.

7.  You will learn that it’s best to wear cream colored clothing, they match best with the spit up that will inevitably end up all over you by the end of the day.

8.  In regards to #7 you will learn that carrying a bottle of perfume to spritz yourself with occasionally helps drown out the smell.

9.  There will be a day when your baby has a ‘blowout’…you’ll know what I mean when it happens.  It will only happen while you are holding said baby and even though it gets on your shirt you will continue shopping.  You worked this freakin hard to leave the house, screw it, nothin’s gonna stop you from gettin that Krispy Kream.  (Upon this happening please refer back to #8…..in fact it’s always a good idea to refer back to #8).

10.  The definition of dressing up will plummet DRAMATICALLY!  But don’t worry it will slowly crawl back up after a few years so you can blend in with society yet again.  And even though you know that they are pajama pants…you won’t care enough to care…

11.  Of the body fluids that you will be covered in daily I can’t forget to mention the glorious ‘snot sneeze’.  It will happen with no warning, in your face, while your mouth is open…you’ll flinch but you won’t care.

12,  God forbid anyone ever takes a picture of you while you’re taking a picture of your child.  The expression your face makes when trying to make them smile is hideous.  Fair warning…wish someone would have told me…

13.  There will be a time when there is no bathroom, your kids gotta go and you hover them over the pavement while trying to hide between the car and door.  This takes quite talented multitaking because at the very same time you are in control of the aim and need to avoid not only the car but your shoes legs and clothing.  You will realise in this moment “Maybe I am coordinated”  which who knows, could possibly turn into a newfound love of sports.  Could happen…

That’s all I’ve got for you this glorious evening.  I’m so excited about my babies special day!!!!  I’m going to try to sleep so I’m a chipermunky in the morn…. “Rise and Shine and give God the glory glory” needs to be sung while simultaneously jumping, screaming, rolling and mauling them, right?  My poor children….

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#131

Homeschool….

As a homeschooling mommy, on the road, I take every opportunity for my children to learn about the roots of our beautiful country.  While in Wisconsin, which is steeped in history, I decided to delve into a lesson that would change their lives forever.  I took the family to the Jelly Belly Packing Warehouse! For the kids… of course!

Seriously if you know me, you know that I love me some Jelly Belly’s!  I can eat my weight in them, which I often do.  My post baby bod is half due to the fact that I’m still eating a large amount of them guilt free hoping the “I just had a baby” excuse holds for a little bit longer!!  I’ll be milking that excuse until the youngest is 7!!!  “I’m nursing and need the extra calories” is also a great one!

Apparently, I’m ecstatic!

Anyways…They have a HUGE candy store with Jelly Belly Beans, chocolates, gummies and other souvenirs…which was my heaven!  There was a Belly Sample Bar where I sampled one of every single kind!

Then to top it off there was a 35 minute train ride tour through the warehouse where sadly I answered all the Jelly Belly history questions correctly.
“Where did Jelly Belly go where no candy had been before?”  “That would be space, Reagan was a huge Jelly Belly fan and sent some in a shuttle” ….Correct.
“What flavor did Jelly Belly create for Reagan” “Blueberry. So they could gift him with a red, white and blue set to go in the specially made jar on Air Force One”  Correct.
Did I look like a crazy psychopath for knowing way too much about the dumb candy?  Yes I did.  Did I mention that 2 weeks ago I toured Air Force One at the Reagan Museum where  I found all this out, to look less insane?  No I did not.  I rolled with the ‘crazy Jelly fan’ theme, it got me a whole lot more free samples!!!
While on the tour, I gotta admit, that while learning about the family that has owned and operated the company since 1869, the thought did pass through my mind… ‘do they have children under 10 that I could marry my children off to’…..just being honest.

The Jelly Belly’s that are not absolutely perfect are separated from the bunch and put into an irregular pile.  They bag up all those bunk beans and sell them in 5 pound packs.  They also bag into 5 pound packs everything else they make that doesn’t pass the perfection test (Chocolate, fudge, mints, candy corns, gummies etc) and call those packs Hodge Podge.  (PS I make a soup called Hodge Podge soup that got so popular with my friends that Hodge became a nickname, so I HAD to buy a bag of that!!) They had a deal of buy 2 bags get 3 free for each.  So yes I walked away with 50 pounds of candy, don’t worry about it…

Some ‘Lovely’ trick flavors.  The same exact colors as the most popular bunch, just gross….hmmm

We became good friends, Mr. Sample Man and moi!

Saylor chose a pack of jeweled princess Jelly Belly’s

Renn out of focus but stylin none the less!

And going off on a tangent…Speaking of post baby (not) hot bod….Have any of you seen the picture of that fitness model mom, Maria Kang, in her skimpy workout attire showing off her perfect abs while her 3 little boys play at her feet, with the caption “What’s Your Excuse?”

Well, Maria Kang, My excuse is, I’M FREAKIN TIRED!!  And you know what, God knows that if I had a body like her, I wouldn’t be nice.  I’d walk around naked… all day… every day… every where….and stare at my reflection in every store window I’d pass…because even if I didn’t need clothes, I would still go shopping to show off the hotness that was me.  So I’m basically protecting myself, family and others by NOT working out!

Which brings me to our outing after The Jelly Belly Warehouse.  While driving back to the venue we saw a sign advertising a place with 400 types of cheeses.  Uh, yes please!  Because the perfect way to end a day stuffing yourself with candy is to then stop for a buttload of cheese!  YUUUUUMMMM!

Like mommy these girls run when they hear cheese! 

Thanks Wisconsin!

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#130

Jonny plays at The Pageant tonight in St Louis.  We rolled in pretty early so we strolled the nearby street, which happens to be rated “One of The 10 Great Streets in America” by the American Planning Association.  No big deal.  Amazing shopping and great food?  I’m down!

Papa with his ducklings

We didn’t have a ton of time before sound check but we stumbled upon the BEST kids store EVER.  If you live near St Louis and have kids, know kids or know a mom-to-be you are lucky to have this gem!  It’s called City Sprouts and it’s located on the famous “Delmar Loop”.  We would have made the entire 6 block stroll of The Loop, but got stuck in this store.  It’s a good thing we are flying home or I would have spent WAY too much money!!!  They’ve got unique clothes, great toys, nursery items, strollers and the BEST selection of books I’ve ever seen!

The space jumper…yes please.

I mean, come on…this hat is frickin ridiculous!!  I need to make the strap a little tighter but too cute!

They carry Plan Toys, which if you have been to our house, you know I’m obsessed with! 
So we got a small playhouse for the bus:)
There was a wall decal from Oopsie Daisy of the US map that I didn’t buy and am now pining for and a children’s blackbird pie purse that I forgot to buy!  AAAAA!!  That’s always what happens…I go into a store, forget an item, but the store closes and we’re pulling out of town. Oh well, put it on my list of places I must return to!  A small taste of St Louis but a fun time none the less!  Next time we’re in town City Sprouts, BE READY, we’re coming for you!!  ðŸ™‚

PS- Not talking up this store because they gave me anything!!  haha!! It’s just a dope store.  It’s always questionable when people review a place and then there’s a disclaimer at the end that they got a butt load of free products to write about it:)

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#129

Few things:

1.  We have been out with Jon on tour and the kids are in Heaven!  They have gotten to see tons of family and friends and are loving life.  I was a little nervous how tidbit would do on the road but it’s going insanely well!  Here’s bus baby enjoying the scenery as we were driving through Illinois today:  
2.  If you’re the trashed woman who just knocked on my door telling me you were supposed to wait for Jonny on the bus… sorry I told you that it wasn’t Jon’s bus but a traveling family circus on our way to perform at a Bar mitzvah and that this was Rockford’s “bus parking” street.  I never thought you’d actually believe me!  And although I’m sure the kids and I would have been very entertained with the convo once you were inside, sadly it was their bedtime and I needed to put them to sleep.  I hope you made it back across the street safely.  My genius tip to woman:  spike heels and liquor should never be mixed, I recommend a nice wedge for stability.    

3.  I want this house!  Sure, it’s in Vegas and I am not a fan of 300 degree summers but this would remedy that!  Plus, if a bomb hits… we’d be good to go.  Who’s in?     
4.  Making a giant list and would love some recommendations:)  I’m listing by state, cool places to take the kids when we pull in somewhere and have time to explore.  We love fun places, historical spots, educational adventures etc.  What are your states must sees, favorites or hidden gems?

Happy Friday:)  Have an amazing weekend!