Author: therantinghousewife@gmail.com

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#29

In 2006, Jonny played the Kennedy Center Honors on Christmas.  It was the year Smokey Robinson was being inducted.  Sam Moore and Jonny did a duet- Tracks of my Tears.  It was awesome!

But let’s rewind to the days before the actual event:

We flew out to Washington DC and stayed in a beautiful suite.  Me, being the last minute planner that I am, ran to the mall while Jonny sound checked, so I could buy two new dresses.  One for the dinner that night and one for the actual show.  Good thing there was not a red carpet, where I was asked to name the designer…because I am cheap!

President Bush hosted a small dinner and get together with all the inductees and performers at the White House.  We were picked up in a dark bus and sat down.  On the drive I heard the lady behind us start to sing quietly…”I know that voice” I whispered to Jon, but the bus was so dark I couldn’t turn and see who it was.  Then it clicked.  No big deal, Shania Twain was sitting behind us.  Basically, serenading me.  To our right, Josh Groban was warming up quietly as well.  It was so strange trying to act like this was normal.

When we arrived at the White House we were all greeted by many secret service officers.  Strange when everyone even down to the coat check girl knows your name.  “Right this way Haylie”, “Here is your salad Mrs. Lang”, even the lady in the restroom handing out paper towels after I washed my hands said “Are you having a nice night Mrs. Lang?”.  SO WIERD!!!  Every person working the event knew EVERY one of our names.

We arrived in the dining room, where they immediately split up every couple and then escorted us to different tables.  Awkward!!  They seated the tables male, female, male, female.  I was seated next to Joe Simpson (Jessica Simpson’s dad) and Bob Schieffer from Face the Nation.  I was sure I would embarrass myself while sitting next to one of our nations most intelligent journalists.  Had I known, I would have studied up on my current events!  But he ended up being the most precious man ever and we talked about our families the entire night.

It was surreal, so many famous people AND being in the White House…  A photographer got everyone to take pictures.  They did group pictures, pictures of couples and then came time to meet and get a photo with the President and First Lady.  A line formed and we were behind Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.  I started getting horribly nervous.  What do you say to a president??? “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Bush”, “Hello President Bush and first lady”, “Good evening”, “How do you do”????  How the butt do you address a president?  Had Tom, my new best friend, turned around and stopped talking for a minute I would have asked Jonny.  And what do you talk about with a president??  “How bout that war?” “The weather in DC is superb”.

Oh crap…it was our turn.  A man in uniform said “Introducing Mr Jon Lang and Mrs. Haylie Lang”.  We walked to the two of them standing in front of a Christmas tree and they reached out their hands to shake ours.  I was so nervous I don’t even remember what I said.  I’m sure it was something stupid.  There was a chat that felt way too long with all eyes in the room on us.  Then came time for THE picture.  The photographer put me on one side next to Jorge and Jonny next to Babs (correction- LAURA Bush!!  Yes I am an idiot!).  At that moment Bush put his hand on my back for the photo.  Without thinking I immediately put MY arm around HIM!!  But somehow my hand swooped into the back slit of the suit coat and landed on his muffin top.  “Oh dear God!!!!”  I was screaming in my head.  If I moved my hand, it would have been obvious that I felt weird.  Why had I put my arm around him?!!  He’s the frickin president!!  “Get the stupid shot!  Stop turning red! Run!  Disappear!!  Hand cradling muffin top!!!!”  I’m surprised my inner dialogue was not heard it was sooooo loud!

Exhale, it was over, quick release, quick handshake and run.  Why me?  Why do I do these things?

Well here it is ladies and gents, notice the sheer terror in my eyes!!!  Notice Jonny’s hands behind his back and Barbara’s at her sides.  Then theres me snuggled right in!!!  Hahahaha

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#28

Hopefully I do not get into trouble for this next post!  HAHA!  I am not a horrible person….I’d like to call it resourceful!

Let me preface this next story with some background info on my childhood:)
1.  Not that I’m proud, but from a very young age I could talk my way into ANYWHERE.  I once got a group of 10 kids into Disneyland for free with a stupid story!  I’d have been a great bank robber!  Or I’d use this ‘talent’ to talk my way out of anything:)
2.  Growing up in the acting business I learned about driving onto movie lots.  If you look like you should be there, they let you in!  In fifth grade, everyday after school let out, I would walk the block to the Warner Brothers Ranch, where my sister was filming at the time, and spend my nights exploring facades and causing trouble on the backlot.    

In 1998, one of my closest friends Scott Budnick moved from Atlanta to Los Angeles (I will write more about my Scotty B later.  He is an amazing guy and is one of my best friends)(little story my mama wrote about Scotty).  We decided we would get an apartment together and that he would be my first roommate.  We moved into the Oakwood Apartments on Barham Blvd. across the street from Universal Studios and it was an amazing few years of my life.

After blowing all my money on absurdly ridiculous furniture and decorations. I realized I barely had any money for food.  ***Great way to teach your kids about finances…don’t get involved and never help.  Honestly!  My parents gave me my savings and let me blow it…I learned quickly how important a dollar was when I had no help and was broke!!  “You’ll figure it out, I believe in you” teaches a whole lot more than writing your kid a check or worse giving them cash***

So here I was broke as a joke…But you know me by now!!  I always find a moronic way to solve problems and this time was no different!!  Living across from Universal and hungry…What did I do?  Almost every day I would drive onto the backlot!  The Universal security has 2 lanes at the entry.  One where you check in and one that you drive through if you work there.  I just drove through the employee lane and waved and they opened it!!  I would then find a set that was shooting late and go eat at their catering!  Funny thing is…Nobody asks questions on a set…because you could be somebody important’s kid.  In which case they would get into trouble for hassling you:)  I had an amazing hot meal almost every night….I know…SO BAD!!!   Haha I still can’t believe I actually pulled it off for all that time!!  I started conversations with so many people and made up extravagant stories about who I was and why I was there, it was so much fun!  Then I would go shopping at the craft service tables.  Literally take a bag and get milk, bread, peanut butter and jelly, crackers, cookies, gum and stock up my fridge!!!

I didn’t have a cell phone at the time, so anytime I needed to make calls I’d just find a closed office and set up shop.  If you pressed 9 from any phone you could call anyone in the world!!  They had unused furnished offices all over the lot!

So that’s my story about how I used Universal and why I feel the need to pay for two tickets when seeing a Universal film:)  Hopefully I’m protected by the statute of limitations!!!

Keep in mind…I was a teenager….it’s not like I’d do this now…..wait…..

  

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#27

Now that I am completely finished breastfeeding…I am a bit sad.  With the twins, my lovely lady lumps called it quits at 5 months old.  Which made me feel like a horrible mom.  So this second time around I didn’t listen to the nurses when they told me I needed to pump and supplement with formula.  I took my tidbit of a baby and the two of us figured the whole thing out, alone and without outside interruptions.  I exclusively breastfed her until she was 9 1/2 months old.  She started supplementing because I could tell my milkers were not quite doing their job.  Her first bottle my hubby gave her and when she took it I balled….it felt like my baby was a teenager.  She still nursed for a month more while transitioning before my bod gave up.  She went from petite to pudgy in a week flat!!  haha!!  So over the last few days I have been remembering our special experiences fondly.

Like the time at Disneyland for Mickey’s Halloween Party-
She was 1 month old and thinking I was hysterical, stuffed my fat butt into a skintight Avatar bodysuit.  Complete with full paint, a tail, wig and oh yeah a pale white loaf sized baby dining at my boob the entire night!!

Or the time at the LA County Fair, while my 2 year olds were illegally bungie trampoline jumping (They were waaay too young but somehow my son talked the men into letting them go…I know, BAD mom….Hey, they’re still alive), my 2 week old was locked at the human baba keeping us both toasty in the freezing weather.  In the insanely loud and crazy atmosphere she somehow slept like….well….a baby!
The bunches of times on the side of a stage while daddy blared guitar (while wearing baby headphones of course!), walking in a charity marathon, while non stop traveling and always being bounced around like crazy while mama ran after the twins:).  It wasn’t always the conventional way, but I made it work in our crazy lives and she followed suit like a perfect little bean.  On the run breastfeeding I’ll call it:)  haha and I will miss it!  I love you my sweet Renn
You got any awkward or funny breastfeeding stories?