Please read this if you don’t have kids…..
and if you do, you can back me up that this is completely true.
Many friends have been asking what has inspired me so much this year, to make such big changes in my life. My Godmother Leilani said that I should blog about this one concept:)
I often wonder….what the heck did I do before I had kids. What did my days consist of? How did I not rule the world with all that ‘me’ time!!!
Before I had kids I used to look enviously at so many other peoples lives. “I wish I was born with that ‘get it done’ gene”, or “she is so good at organizing her life, I wish I had that talent”. I thought that motivation and time management were gifts you were born with. Then after having kids, every mom is forced to do and learn those things. Whether it comes naturally to you or not, you MUST do them. With kids, it’s amazing how much us moms must accomplish on a daily basis.
Had I known what I was capable of before kids…..
If you don’t have kids please please take a moment to realize that you have the world at your fingertips. You can do anything you put your mind to. It sounds so cliche but it is SOOOO true. I was never a morning person. I would sleep until 1pm everyday and go to bed at 4am. There’s no such thing as morning/night people. You can train yourself to be either. Had I been awake when the majority of the world was…who knows where I’d be today:) HAHA
You don’t realize how lazy you are until you have kids:) Guys, if you are taking care of only you. YOU are what’s keeping you from your dreams! YOU can do anything if you get off your butt and just DO it!
Another inspiration to change this last year is seeing so many people pass away. Life is so short…. We only get a tiny amount of time here. Don’t waste a second sitting around doing nothing. I remember when my dad was in hospice, knowing he was at the end of his life. He basically said (in my words) ‘Nobody looks back on their life and thinks…I’m so proud that I watched the whole 4th season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or thinks fondly on the days they never got out of their pajamas and sat around all day. You remember times with family, times you did the things you loved and moments of accomplishments you were proud of.’
I also realized most of my conversations over the last few years with close friends consisted of me, for a lack of a better term ‘bitching’ about what I wished I was doing! Sure did waste more time doing that, than actually taking any step toward these wishes. Somehow along the way I got comfortable in complaining- because it kept me from actually having to do what I was complaining about:)
I think a lot of times we make these huge goals that seem unattainable. We live in such a ‘need it now’ time, that a goal that could take even a month can feel so daunting, that you don’t even start. You need to take baby steps. Baby steps are still steps and we sometimes get discouraged and don’t remember that. Deal with one goal at a time. If you can accomplish even one thing it will give you the confidence in yourself to move further.
Sorry to go all, Tony Robbins, you can do it, on you! But it is something I honestly didn’t understand until now. So blogging about what’s on my mind… take or leave it my lovelies:)
Thank you! That's just what I needed to hear/read…
I completely agree with you. Before I became a mother, it seemed I made excuses as to why I couldn't do this, or do that. And then I became a mother … and realized that the only thing actually stopping me from doing those things … was myself. I had the opportunity at my fingertips back then. Not trying to say my daughter interfers with my goals in life … but you no longer are number one. You no longer get to do those things that make you entirely happy. Your happiness is now lived through your children. Being a mother is an amazing feeling, no doubt! But … to the non-parents – I wish they understood that they have the world at their fingertips if they just reach out and grab it.
This is one of the best things I've heard!
'Nobody looks back on their life and thinks…I'm so proud that I watched the whole 4th season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or thinks fondly on the days they never got out of their pajamas and sat around all day. You remember times with family, times you did the things you loved and moments of accomplishments you were proud of.'
I love this post! When I was 24 I was thinking about going back to school to be a special ed teacher. I had been to school for music after I graduated high school but dropped out. I new that going back to school would only be an option if it was part time since I would still be working full time. The part time issue was holding me back, the thought of it taking so long had me burnt out before I even started. I was talking with a friend one night and said "I don't want to be stuck in school until I'm almost 30!" His response was so profound it made my decision for me. He said…"You're gonna be 30 someday no matter what, you might as well have something to show for it when you get there! I turn 31 in 2 weeks and tomorrow I start my second year as a teacher.
Haylie, such words of truth. Life is so so short and you have to enjoy each moment. And remember that its all about LOVE. Loving yourself, your family and humanity and most of all loving GOD. I've quit drinking because it was getting old and out of control (1 year this past June) and now after your pep talk about getting up off the couch, I'm gonna lose this fricking weight that bringing me down!!!! Keep up the good work. Love the blog. Peace & Love to you and yours.
Linda J.
CT
Thank you for those comments. I'm single with no children and often envy my friends who are married with children and think of all the great things I could be doing with my life if I were just married or raising a child. Then I often think well, I have all the time in the world to do great things now if I just would do it! You're right, we are on this earth for a very brief time and we should learn to make the most of our time here.
Great post! It's always good to be reminded that we only get one shot at this life thing. I think we all spend too much time thinking about what will/could be that we forget that being happy in the present is so much more important.
Loving the blog!
Love. And agree. 🙂
Totally true! I think of all the stuff I could have done pre-kids even though I did a lot I regret not doing more. Cause now I gotta do all of it with 4 kids in tow which is just a wee bit more challenging!
Great advice! There are no do-overs. This is it and we need to make it count. Love your blog!
I'm content.
Maybe I should be discontent with my contentment. 🙂
Connie
Awesome advice. I stopped watching TV about a year ago, and I have never regretted it. I don't want to waste my time. And now that my kids are older, I finally have my time back, sort of. Now, I am driving them all over the place. But that too will end, since my fifteen-year-old just got her permit this summer.
Forgot to mention that I am a new follower.
Sweetie, I feel as if I could have written your blog myself. It's amazing how when given the "openness" of ones social calendar, one has the golden ticket to laziness, which often times hides a bit of depression hidden under the many layers of ones person.
Living in the present is the hardest thing to do. There was always that proverbial get out of jail free card that we seemed to carry in our pockets pre-children. Post-children, no such luck! I often wonder if I hadn't had children if I would still be stuck in that same vortex today. I shudder to think what the real answer to that question would be because it's an embarrassing thing to admit to myself let alone out loud!
Often times I sit with one of the kids and just cry my eyes out, thanking them for getting me off of my arse and into the game of life. It's the most incredibly overwhelming feeling, one that I cannot even begin to put into words. My mind often drifts to a line in Martina McBrides song, Im My Daughters Eyes –
"In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes"
Now while it can apply to both children, it's Erin that I'm most emotionally effected by. It's that mother-daughter relationship that I never had that I am building with her to heal myself of the years of pain that I've had. Connor is the carefree, free spirit that I was so afraid to be for fear of the backlash of my own mother… I am so grateful to God and the Universe for choosing me to be their mother and saving me from myself.
Thank you so much for writing about such a wonderful topic, Haylie. It is through others and their willingness to share their hopes, dreams, fears and so forth, that we learn life's greatest lessons. I am enjoying my education on the inside of your classroom of life and incredibly grateful for your bravery and friendship.
I love you and your family with all of my heart!
Amy
Thanks so much for posting this! I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago (I was a huge fan back in your Kids Inc days) and have been reading ever since.
I try to remind myself all the time that life is short and I need to make the most of what I've got, but something about the way you wrote this really struck a chord with me. I love that you're grabbing life by the horns and doing what you've always only talked about doing … particularly building the chicken coop :). Keep up the great work!
It's fascinating to me how much this post resembles a blog post of mine last month. (although taken from the Single girl's perspective.)
http://marthamarti.blogspot.com/2011/07/single.html
Seriously, the baby step part is so true even for something like organizing a closet! I often feel like Andy DuFrane from Shawshank Redemption, the only way to get anything done is by chipping away a little at a time…and yes, it certainly feels like prison sometimes! –connie
Great post! Totally made me wanna get off my computer and pay attention to my kids! 😉 Just kidding – they're in school. BUT it does make you think about how much time can be wasted away when they are with you. Maybe tonight when they're hammering out 50 questions per second at me, and I'm about to rip my hair out; I'll take a moment and remember "There will come a day that I'll wish they were this age again!" I have no doubt – I’m scared to death for the teenage years!! Time does fly though. It feels just like yesterday that my 6yr old was a baby.
Speaking of what the hell did I do back when…I often ask myself "What the hell did I do all day when I only had one?"…and my next thought is "I thought I was sooo damn busy…Geesh!"
http://mommy2cents.blogspot.com/
Amazed at the posts and messages from this post! Thanks everyone for the feedback! It's an amazing feeling to write something and have it resonate with just one person. But these responses have blown my mind!
******-If you wrote me a personal message I want to say I will get back to everyone:) It might just take a little time:) Thanks for sharing your personal struggles and opening your hearts to me. ******